I leave a week from tomorrow! I've been living at home since Monday (with the exception of spending Tuesday night at Kathlene's), and I've really enjoyed getting to spend some extra time with my family. I'm really going to miss them this summer. Being at home these past few days after having lived in an apartment all year has made me realize the things I took for granted when I lived here in high school. Little things like getting blessings from Daddy before bed and snuggling up with Oscar for a nap on the couch are so comforting. It's also fun (and funny) to stay up late and watch Ollie and Johnny sneak around to get a late night snack when they know they're supposed to be asleep. It really did take moving out to get me to realize what a huge blessing my family is, and I know that not seeing them this summer will be very difficult.
For Christmas my senior year of high school, I asked for Don Miller's Through Painted Deserts because I really enjoyed reading his other book, Blue Like Jazz. I started reading it during my last semester of high school, and I had to hide it from myself because it wasn't healthy for me to read when I was struggling with senioritis. It's about Don Miller's experience as he left home for the first time--to go on a crazy and adventurous road trip with a friend. I still haven't finished the book, but what I've read so far is great, especially for this time in my life. I know I'm being called to spend the summer away from home because I haven't been forced out of my comfort zone yet, and everyone needs to do that in order to grow. But that doesn't mean that leaving is easy or unemotional. It's definitely the opposite.
Here are a couple of quotes that I especially liked:
"I could not have known then that everybody, every person, has to leave, has to change like seasons; they have to or they die. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing, and I want to change because it is God's way…Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons."
"We are shaped by our experiences. Our perception of joy, fear, pain, and beauty are sharpened or dulled by the way we rub against time. My senses have become dull, and this trip is an effort to sharpen them."
I think one of the reasons God wants us to change is so we can understand that He is unchanging. And when we understand that God is constant, it becomes easier to trust Him and to give Him our hearts; we know that He will not turn His back on us. When we can truly trust Jesus with ALL of our heart, we can understand His love. And when we can understand His selfless, life-giving love, we can understand God because God is love.
So, I think Jesus is calling me to offer up my worries, anxieties, and fears because He is fast at work trying to win my heart over. He wants me to change and to grow so that I can better love Him and the people around me. I just pray that with His grace, I can do so.
